A belated Merry Christmas, and here’s to a Happy New Year!
Apologies for missing last week’s deadline. I got the plague and, as a man, it was time to begin Christmas shopping. Fun times.
I’ve been going back-and-forth about doing a Year-in-Review listicle kind of thing. After all, reviewing lessons learned is kind of what I’ve been doing here all along. And since this and other endeavors aren’t exactly at the humblebrag level yet, it’s tough to make hay with that. And then there’s the ever-present, “Who cares?”
Well, that’s one thing I’m extremely grateful for about the year: A couple hundred of you do care to read this between 47% and 63% of the time.
I’ve also been reflecting on whether I really mean it when I say it was a great terrible year. I mean, it was a year full of challenging (sure, we’ll call it that) events that force a man to choose whether to keep going and live or else drink and binge-watch trash until one’s skin fuses with the couch cushions.
Fortunately, grace and friendship made me choose the former. It’s not just a cope. Yes, circumstances did force me to choose; to rise above and rebuild. It’s still very much an on-going process, but the clarity and strength that has so far come from it is invaluable. I would never have been able to embark on some big new things without the massive “pattern interrupt” of 2023.
That led me to another realization. I am sick to death of this “sad, broken little boy” schtick. “Life’s hard,” “I screwed up,” “What did I learn from getting my ego stomped?” Etc. Sick of it. I think that heralds the arrival of a new milestone: being all out of giveacrap. But, you know, in a good way.
So, maybe one last “lessons learned” themed post. Here are the steel weapons I pulled from the forge of 2023:
Always forgive and repent
Harder said than done, obviously, but always worth it. In the last 48 hours I had two opportunities to test my conviction on it. Both involved accusations that had a smidge of truth to them, but in both cases, the delivery of the “correction” was rooted in ugly pride, arrogance or wrath. I had a decent defense, and I refined it for awhile in anticipation of delivering it, but in the end I opted for forgiveness and asked for it. Anxiety melted away immediately. This freed me up to repent as needed.
This isn’t a humblebrag. It’s just living the faith I theoretically profess. Meat-and-potatoes sainthood on the street, yo.
Always control your emotions
Always. In every situation. No matter how justified a good rage-bender might seem, rise above it. Objectify the anger—identify it, label it, and put it in its proper context. Again, it’s not easy, but mastery of this skill levels you up.
Give every thought a job
I have this theory that’s about five days old: high emotions are just thoughts that have escaped the corral of your mind and gone wild. It’s hardly original, but out here on the Oklahoma prairie, (practicing Eastern Okladoxy), it’s hard not to let equestrian analogies, uh, “run wild.”
File it under “Duh,” but this is one of those things that everyone probably agrees with but rarely practices because it’s so damned hard. It’s especially bad at the beginning and end of the day when you’re either just coming online or fatigue is loosening your grip on the reins of your thoughts. Plus, you’re not just fighting your own thoughts—it’s quite possible or even likely that most of the negative thoughts aren’t even your own. Yeah, this was a disturbing nugget of info I’ve picked up on this eastern journey. I’ll probably return to that several times this year.
Have a mission.
Everyone’s personal mission is going to be different, but without it you’re just reacting to things all the time. For me, nothing has been a better catalyst for depression than not having a clear vision of what I wanted or needed to do. Sure, pay the bills, “take care of my family,” etc. That’s not a mission. Those are just non-negotiable expectations. What you need is something so powerful, so meaningful that it animates everything you do and keeps you going even when you’re completely gassed out. It should be good, obviously, and moral and true, and ideally it should have an end in the service of others. Whatever it is, just have one and live it.
Clearly it’s best to figure out what yours is as early as possible. If you find that you can’t define it for most of your life, I bet that you could ultimately trace all the strife and drama in your life back to the lack of it.
Be bold and never quit.
Kick fear in the face. It’s a cliche, I know. All of these are, but they have the tendency to be true.
Being bold doesn’t mean being “brash.” Too many people think that asserting their will everywhere is somehow a virtue. The smaller the matter, the more important it is to win. Obviously I’m not talking about that. What I mean is that in the face of tough situations you just do not want to deal with, do them anyway. Choose to meet and face the challenges. That is literally all you have to do. Maybe you fail in Round 1 with the monster challenge. No matter. Get ready for Round 2.
In my growing library of experience, I can say that boldly facing challenges—even with knees trebling—and never giving up has been more profitable than anything else; not skill, not education, not even experience. If you never quit, you’re ahead of 99% of everyone else.
As I said at the beginning, ruminating on past mistakes has a sell-by date. I’ve made all the mistakes, and by the grace of God I’ve been protected from the worst of the consequences. But now I’m eager to boldly move on to the next thing or things, and they’re all challenging. If I fail, I will at least be able to say I gave it all I had (although I would no doubt second-guess myself on that). If I’m successful, again, by the grace of God, it’ll be a fantastic time.
Let’s hit it, 2024.
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Merry Christmas! (We’re still in Christmastide.) Grace is everywhere.
Tangentially the third rhymes up with my reading earlier today from away of the Pilgrim. Highly recommend if you haven’t picked it up already.