Laying the Foundation

A moment of appreciation for my soul-crushing corporate job

Things are going pretty well at my soul-crushing corporate job. I think - and this bears some reflection - I think I even…like it.

I don’t know what to do with myself. Employment satisfaction? That’s a new one. 

It’s easy - and perilous - to make comparisons to the high water mark of my old self-employed life. As a small business owner, I had:

• Autonomy

• Agency

• Freedom

• A huge income

• Pride

• Prestige (in my mind, at least)

As a corporate call center employee, I have:

• Two breaks and a 30-minute lunch monitored constantly by overlapping surveillance systems

• Five days of paid vacation per year (this is actually an improvement)

• At least three immediate bosses that I’m aware of

• A cubicle

• Less than a quarter of my self-employed income

It’s rough sometimes. It’s especially bad with the criers - the people who call in with some excruciating situation going on in their lives, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it, either because the solution lies in their past and their choices, or because of the bureaucracy. All I can do is empathize, or, if the situation is right, give them some words of encouragement. Then there are the ones who are belligerent from the start. You know it’s going to be a fun call when they start with, “You people…” And the scammers? Oh man. There are some world-class bullshitters out there, but they’re actually fun to talk to. The ease with which they spin their tales is epic. I wish I had half their talent. It’s the mediocre liars that get to you - they’re somehow both full of it and transparent, and they’re incapable of taking any responsible for themselves, while blaming me personally for whatever their situation is.

Still, I get maybe a dozen calls per day where I perform some routine task that my nine-year-old could do, and they think I’ve performed a miracle. The number of times I get called, “sweetie,” “honey,” “darling,” or even “hero” is pretty great, honestly. I even got hit on once.

He wasn’t my type, though. 

I’m grateful for all of it. I don’t have to fluff myself up with some happy crappy affirmation here - it can be grueling work, but it focuses me. It’s another kind of crucible, one that can, at times, (especially when my personal life is basically giving my soul cancer) be a hellish prison where I’m forced to be conversational! and cheerful! and offing helpful! And if I’m not, well, that’s a coaching! 

Nothing quite lights a fire under a formerly self-employed guy quite like having a branded pistol aiming at one’s head…

In truth, though, the organization practically grabs you by the back of the neck and shoves you down a career path. I’m still learning to trust it. They tell you to set up alerts on the jobs page. And in the meantime, until that one, perfect opportunity comes in, they have free skills training, tons of attaboy affirmations, and a coffee bar! 

This week I’m being transferred to a new team within my department. It’s a group of talented, knowledgable people who seem hungry. Honestly, that kind of thing used to switch me right off, but now? It’s a nice change of pace. I’m eager to get with a killer team to make things happen. And my soon-to-be-old-boss? She’s telling me that NOW is the time to submit that killer proposal I’ve been working on to hopefully launch an audacious new project. 

Oh yeah, and Merry Christmas - here’s a $1,000 bonus.

What is going on here?

I can see how people get comfortable with this. 

I’ve been there for more or less six months now. This is the traditional time when I gets da boogie feet and want to see what else is out there. I’ve even had some job opportunities thrown my way, but, you know what? I think I’m going to trust this org and see what happens.

All of this is to say that it’s nice to have a foundation to stand on, at least in one area of my life right now. Obviously, it’s not my ideal (those monitored breaks again), but when you’ve spent a half-decade or so trying to build a hang glider out of the debris thrown into the sky with you after a respectable career detonation, who’s complaining? Not this guy.

Annnnnnnd yet…

I’m still building on the side. This thing, the leather thing, and another thing. I’m mindful of the importance to do deep work on The One Thing, but… Well, we’ll see where this goes. As long as I can refrain from saying stupid things in the group chat box, we should be good…

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Thanks for reading! I’d love to hear from you if this touches a nerve, tingly or otherwise. Rants, observations, or weird trivia is always appreciated.

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Thanks again!

Chris