Lethal Advice

The misapprehension of purpose that is killing men

The worst advice I ever heard regarding marriage came from a priest who had been on the job for about a year. I think I was older than him by at least five years, but hey, he wore the robes, so he must know what he’s talking about, right? 

His advice to guys discerning marriage was, “Find a virtuous woman and spend the rest of your life trying to make her happy.”

That sounded a lot more theological than the secular version: “Happy wife, happy life.” It appeals because it’s a high noble calling—it gives men Meaning and Purpose. It framed a life mission without choking the life out of it in the weeds of details.

It might also be lethal.

In his book, “Wild at Heart,” John Eldredge writes:

“Deep in his heart every man longs for a battle to fight, an adventure to live, and a beauty to rescue.” 

I believe this to be absolutely true, but I also think many men get confused about something when they’re trying to figure out what to do with their chivalric impulses: They make the beauty the battle to fight. He makes her the center of his world.

Bad move.