Have you ever seen “junkyard art?” Those creations artists make using such varied bits of trash as mufflers, retro toasters and an old Coke sign? It’s like the artists were shoved into a Red Robin and told they could come out only after they’d made something true, good and beautiful with the decor. And you know what? They do it.
That’s what it feels like with this piece I’m attempting to write. I’ve been studying that lecture series, “Man of the Household” from Dr. Cuddeback, and it’s like he pulled a pin on a frag grenade and underhanded it into my soul. There are pieces everywhere.
I mentioned before that I took part in a sort of pilot program for the thing a few years ago. It was a small group of men, and while I really, really needed it, I wasn’t ready for it. I had “real world” problems to deal with, including the death of the business and rapidly imploding marriage. Around that time it looked like I might be half-a-million in debt, and while I was beginning to sense what was coming, our marriage was just beginning to contract before it went supernova. Then along comes this professor with a man-shed or whatever, talking about entering into these “deep, amazing mysteries” of family “communities” in which the men should recognize and “facilitate” the “feminine genius” through their wise leadership…
Yeah, I wasn’t having any of it. I had a career to rebuild and a wife to either woo all over again, or to shove out the airlock. I needed to know precisely what to say and do, and I needed it Right Freaking Now.
But wait - there’s more! There was. A lot of it. To the point that, in my darkness, I coolly and rationally concluded that, thanks to my life insurance policy and the loss of my last erg of energy, my family would be better off if I took a little trip out to a southwestern desert and cut my own strings.
Instead, I kept taking one step after another, and now that dark place doesn’t look like the universe, but rather a particularly macabre snow globe up on a dusty shelf of my mind. Perspective, man. It’s wild.
I can’t explain why I looked up Life-Craft.org a couple of weeks ago. I probably saw a post on Facebook. Whatever it was, I signed up and watched the first module, and it shook something loose.
“Nature has prepared us for some great work,” the good doctor said.
Okay, I’m listening…
“Don’t look back on the past. Whoever we are, the time is now. We can start from here and move forward.”
I like what I’m hearing. I’m still going to blog about the past, though. But keep going…
“Men are naturally crafters. We are naturally oriented to build things. Through studied design we create things good and beautiful for other people. We are designed to be craftsmen.”
That certainly explains that weirdly anomalous desire to make things with leather that popped up a couple of years ago…
“The complementarity principle: there’s a reason for the differences between men and women. What a man specializes in, and what a woman specializes in, is in a way to help the other cultivate that thing. The specialities shouldn’t create differences, but should bring them together. In other words, a man’s gifts bring out the gifts in the woman, and vice versa.”
Take my money! Oh wait - it’s free? What’s the catch?
The catch seems to be that the beautiful icon of the ideal here - in life and in marriage - is that it presumes two well-formed people coming together to craft a life in love, harmony and unity. The reality, in my experience and just about everyone else’s, as far as I can tell, is that we’re far from perfect.
Nonetheless, Dr. Cuddeback is onto something, and the highfalutin philosophy is actually a benefit here. There is no human-made system that will work for everyone in everyone’s particular situations. Jesus spoke in parables because he had many things to tell us that we “could not bear” right now. Likewise here. (No, I don’t think Dr. Cuddeback is Jesus.)
I’m still digesting modules one and two. I’ll be reviewing them (as in thinking and writing about, not critiquing as a consumer) and the rest in the next few weeks. They’re already reforming my mind in substantial ways. Actually, that’s not quite right - they’re giving order to the gigantic pile of sticky notes I’ve collected about leadership, marriage, professional vocations, and all the rest.
It’s already bearing fruit. My wife and I needed to have a conversation about finances today. If there’s ever been a more perilous, phosgene-crater-pocked no-man’s-land of a topic in our marriage, I don’t know what it is. Nonetheless, I put some of the principles of the course to work as we (as is our custom) strayed from the path and walked right into the GALLERY OF INJUSTICE, which is open 24/7. It is a comprehensive and exquisitely curated collection of what the other one did wrong going, lo, all the way to the beginning.
But something miraculous happened. We stopped. We laid down our weapons and shields (she prefers a mace, by the way, which is ideal for circumventing shields), and we talked. There was even some forgiveness there. I should just call it a day and go back to bed. Mission accomplished.
I’m not saying “Man of the Household” is The Thing. It’s just “a” thing. But there’s wisdom in it. True, good, and beautiful wisdom. I look forward to diving in.
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Thanks again for reading. I sincerely appreciate the gift of your time and attention. If you think this project has value for others, please like and/or share. If you’d like to reach out privately, I can be reached at cjolma AT gmail DOT com.