So, I’ve gotten an opportunity to put into practice everything I’m talking about here. (Or, everything I’m starting to talk about…) I can’t go into it right now, but it’s kind of one of the Top 3 nightmares a man can face.
So, I get to “rise above.”
Rise above the anger
Rise above the injustice
Rise above the despair
Rise above people’s opinions
Rise above the loneliness
Rise above the shame
I have every advantage in this situation, and I’m profoundly grateful for it. My church community is another family. But it’s going to be a battle, no doubt. Hell won a major victory with this situation. It would be easy for me to fall into certain patterns of thought - ascribing the worst motives to people, inflating my virtues, real or alleged. And there’s the ever-present, all-purpose despair on the periphery, that mindset or attitude that says nothing matters, and so anything goes.
To combat it, I’m going into monk mode:
Morning prayers
Morning workouts
Substantial reading (not just fiction)
Diligent, value-laden work, both for my employer and on my own projects. (I worked 20 hours on Wednesday and Thursday - the OT will be good.)
Evening prayers.
More reading.
No alcohol (except on special occasions)
Social media only for work.
Basically all the things I should have made habits already. I do all of that in fits and starts, but rarely all at once, regularly, no matter what. Now I evidently have all the time in the world. And what’s required here isn’t some kind of remaking myself into something that will meet the approval of others. I did that for almost 16 years, and it was a total failure. No - I need to get grounded just because. If I’m not solid for myself, I can’t be solid for my family.
Believe me - I wish I had a different kind of laboratory to express these ideas. But honestly, is there a better proof-of-concept? I’m on the verge of losing everything - literally almost everything. It would be easy to sink into the despair that torpedoed my life to this point.
So, here we go…