I’m sorry I missed Wednesday’s post. We had a sick child in the house and I had a deadline for actual paid work. Excuses, excuses, I know, but if there’s any certainty in life, it’s this: if I show up late to my day job, it’ll earn me a “coaching session,” some paperwork, and a ding in my numbers.
So, when you think about it, missing my deadline was a win. I successfully prioritized important life events. Praise me.
Hah.
One other quick note before I dive into whatever I’m going to write about: where are all you subscribers coming from? This publication gets new subscriptions almost every day - and usually, it seems, on non-publication days. And for what? I see a theme forming here, and some solid ideas for structure, and maybe even a mission, but I’d be astonished if anyone else could. All I can say is, “Thanks for reading this meandering, groping in the dark for something true.”
Anyway, here’s what I’ve been thinking about lately: the loneliness of principle.
I was going to write, “The loneliness of leadership,” which has a nice alliterative ring to it, but that might imply something unintended, positive or negative, about how I think of myself. No, what I’m getting at is the loneliness that comes from detaching from approval or criticism; from the need to be praised or to be safely removed from harsh words.
At some point, when you’re taking steps to become a better person, you’ll start making decisions based on principle rather than feelings. And right there, at that point, you find yourself standing alone. More often than you’d like, you have no idea whether it’s the right decision, but you know the consequences will be your responsibility. People will watch you succeed or, perhaps with some satisfaction, watch you fail.
And it doesn’t matter. You - you who decided to take a stand on what you, through reason, experience, or both - have made a choice for This Thing Now.
It can be lonely.
It doesn’t even have to be a big life milestone. It can be the decision to stay home from a party and read. It can be the decision to hit the gym regularly. But it can also be something like declining an invitation to a wedding you can’t, in good conscience, support.
This little project is the result of one such big decision. One aspect of it is to explore how to be Good. Capitol-G Good. Objectively. Without hedging or qualification. I’m still untangling a lot of life which is like a noose around my neck, but I know at least one thing: to be Good means to be free of the desire for praise and crippling concession to critics. It’s the pursuit of, and living according to, Truth.
And you better believe that the critics will come out once you’ve decided to live by principle…
Here’s the tricky part: it’s possible that you’ll never know if you’ve ever achieved Good and True until you stand naked in that holy brilliance at the end of your days. You will probably toil and choose and question every moment until that last decisive Day. That’s lonely.
But what choice do we have, right? If the Good becomes clear to you, is there really an alternative? It sucks, but I’d say “no.” It’s terrifying, it’s destabilizing, and there will be real-world consequences.
There’s peace in it, though, isn’t there? Your life may be a wreck by any number of metrics, but to be free from “the degrading slavery of being a child of his age” (Chesterton, naturally), that’s priceless.
Thanks for reading! If you like what you hear and think it might have value for others, please share. If you’d like to reach out to me privately, I’m at cjolma AT gmail DOT com. You can also find me on Twitter at riseabove_today.
I notice I’m the email version it says “if you like this, why not share it.” I shared it with several hundred people.
There is a great peace in doing what's right. The need for affirmations just fall away. Unfortunately, that's just until the next moral dilemma presents itself. Ah, the complications of being human.